Lola the Pom

I bought a puppy. She is a teeny, tiny pomeranian. My apartment doesn't allow animals, so I wasn't going to get her, but I spent the weekend at Izak's parent's house, and ended up hanging out with her a lot. I fell in love with her, and took her home. She is soo sweet, and very crazy. She will play for an hour, and then sleep for an hour. It's really cute, except at night when all I want to do is sleep. We have to spoil her because we can't let her whine or make any noise. I don't care, though. I would spoil her anyway. She thinks any piece of clothing is a threat, including socks and underwear. She also likes to bite shoes. When I put her in a cage at all, she doesn't bark, she actually cries. It sounds like a baby crying, and I can't listen to it for very long or I have to let her out. She has Izak and me wrapped around her little paw.

Hello??? WAKE UP!

So I have started taking an amazing acting class. I'm learning so much about being a real actress, but I feel like I am learning about life, too. That sounds so cheesy, but I just keep thinking about the class everyday. We talked about regionalisms, and I just keep noticing them now! In Utah and Idaho, why don't we ever say the "t" in words? Mountain, Layton, ect. One of the worst: LIKE. Oh my goodness gracious. I say this so much, and I thought I was getting better. Nope. "Like" is ruining our language. It's more than just a filler word I think, because people text it, too. I am so guilty of this. Seriously, I will say " like, are you going to the mall" in a text. I feel bad for people from other countries who are trying to learn English. The minute they come here, I bet they say, "Wait, did I even learn the right language?"

Another thing I keep thinking about is what kind of image I would want as an actress- which roughly translates to what kind of person do I want to be. Actors can label themselves, and if they do so, sometimes that sticks forever. Then, their roles are limited to that persona. Of course, you have people like Adam Sandler, who can play anything, even though he has a certain label. But most of the time, you have to watch it. As an actor, you have to know who you are and act the way you have chosen - all the time! I keep thinking about this on a larger scale. What kind of person do I want to be, period.

Out of all of this, I feel like I am thinking all the time. I feel like I am just waking up, really. There is so much to consider and think about and notice!

Me, the Famous Author

Okay, so I think I want to write a book. I'm not sure the plot or characters, or anything specific at all, really. But I really want to do it. Ideally, I want to be a fabulous author who writes a book every other year and gets paid millions. Here are some ideas for my book:

• A woman living in New York has just gotten her heart broken by a guy she had dated forever. She is freaking out and.... that's all I have

• A teenage boy goes around being chased after the law and getting girls until something significant happens to make him wake up.... wow, how detailed.

• Something science-fictiony (look out Stephanie Meyer, this sounds serious)

That's all. I am really going to be amazing.

Wasting Time

Today I accomplished nothing. In fact, I have been accomplishing nothing for quite some time. I want to say, "Oh, it's summer. I'm allowed to relax." But I have been doing nothing for a lot longer than just this summer. In fact, I can't remember do a whole lot of significant things in my entire life. I suppose that moving out in high school could be considered significant to a total stranger, but I find that it's overshadowed, in my mind at least, by the horrible period of me and my parents.

I wish that I could say I have done something truly significant. If I could donate a lot of money to something, or win an award for something important, maybe that would help. A miraculous scientific discovery that saved lives would be great. Instead, I am a poor college student who has no idea where she is, and can't even begin to image where she is going.

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy. I'm in an amazing relationship that just seems to get better everyday. I have a great apartment, I always have food to eat, and all that. But anyone can do that! I feel like I won't be a real person until I do something that proves myself, but how do you prove yourself?

Sometimes I think I am too young to be worrying about this kind of thing. Should 19-year-olds care about their contributions to society or anything? Then again, I am freaking out that I am too late. Maybe if you don't find out what you should be doing early in life, you never know! What if that is the case, and my whole life is wasted? I feel like I get should get started on improving myself right now! And yet, here I am, writing in my blog, just wasting time.

Am I Making It?

Some times I wonder if I am really making it by myself. I have a job, an apartment, a car. I make my own money and spend it. But sometimes I wonder if it would all crumble without Izak. Usually, he pays for dinner. If I have a bad month, he will help with bills, and vis-versa. I fell like I need to have someone else pull me along.

I'm not really complaining. I'm really glad to have Izak. I am just worried about my foundation. If it's based on someone else, it seems shaky. I think I need to be in charge of me and my life, so I feel independent. Right now I don't. I don't feel like I help myself. I feel like Izak is there every step. A big part of me is SO glad. But this little part of me- probably the person I used to be- wants to be a big girl and do it on her own.

I wonder if it had to do with me growing up. My parents taught be to be independent... well, they taught me to want to be independent. But they never let me make my own decisions. Granted, I made mostly stupid decisions when I had the chance. I still wonder if my mindset has carried on . I want so badly to be independent, but I can't let myself get there. My own personality has replaced my parents, and I won't let myself take care of me. It's like I'm afraid that I will still make stupid decisions. Or maybe I'm afraid I can't handle being alone.

Honestly, I'm a little scared that I don't know the reason.

Pictures!!!!

Ok here are some of the pictures that April took. She did amazing things!

I'm Back. In black...

SO, I haven't been writing for a while, but I have kind of been on the edge about whether to keep a steady blog. I think it's worth while, though, so I will try. I have recently been involved in modeling! I started with an agency about two months ago- Urban Talent. Apparently, there are a lot of scams out there. I was really lucky to get called first by one that was actually legitimate. I took the necessary classes- 700 bucks! Then, the agency recommended that I get my pictures done by this amazing and wonderful photographer from New York. I was about to do it when I remembered that I have a professional photographer for a sister! So, I had her take my pictures, and they turned out really good.

Amazingly, I turned to acting. One of my classes had a Hollywood producer give us tips for auditions and then give us a real audition. Apparently, I had some raw talent, because he told my agent that I should start acting!

I just auditioned for a supporting role in a new SAG film. My role would be the pretty, rich, snobby friend. I play it well:) I really hope I get it! How cool would that be???