Am I Making It?

Some times I wonder if I am really making it by myself. I have a job, an apartment, a car. I make my own money and spend it. But sometimes I wonder if it would all crumble without Izak. Usually, he pays for dinner. If I have a bad month, he will help with bills, and vis-versa. I fell like I need to have someone else pull me along.

I'm not really complaining. I'm really glad to have Izak. I am just worried about my foundation. If it's based on someone else, it seems shaky. I think I need to be in charge of me and my life, so I feel independent. Right now I don't. I don't feel like I help myself. I feel like Izak is there every step. A big part of me is SO glad. But this little part of me- probably the person I used to be- wants to be a big girl and do it on her own.

I wonder if it had to do with me growing up. My parents taught be to be independent... well, they taught me to want to be independent. But they never let me make my own decisions. Granted, I made mostly stupid decisions when I had the chance. I still wonder if my mindset has carried on . I want so badly to be independent, but I can't let myself get there. My own personality has replaced my parents, and I won't let myself take care of me. It's like I'm afraid that I will still make stupid decisions. Or maybe I'm afraid I can't handle being alone.

Honestly, I'm a little scared that I don't know the reason.

Pictures!!!!

Ok here are some of the pictures that April took. She did amazing things!

I'm Back. In black...

SO, I haven't been writing for a while, but I have kind of been on the edge about whether to keep a steady blog. I think it's worth while, though, so I will try. I have recently been involved in modeling! I started with an agency about two months ago- Urban Talent. Apparently, there are a lot of scams out there. I was really lucky to get called first by one that was actually legitimate. I took the necessary classes- 700 bucks! Then, the agency recommended that I get my pictures done by this amazing and wonderful photographer from New York. I was about to do it when I remembered that I have a professional photographer for a sister! So, I had her take my pictures, and they turned out really good.

Amazingly, I turned to acting. One of my classes had a Hollywood producer give us tips for auditions and then give us a real audition. Apparently, I had some raw talent, because he told my agent that I should start acting!

I just auditioned for a supporting role in a new SAG film. My role would be the pretty, rich, snobby friend. I play it well:) I really hope I get it! How cool would that be???